got home with a feeling of "whats next? lets find out"
friday - saturday: back to wtf. prayed. haha
sunday: wtf
monday: obtained. washed bike. whats next? lets find out.
lets do this.
malamnya fuck this pln. fuck this delayed fuse caffeine.
fuck back to wtf.
untung tuesday minimal jam 8 terbangun lha
what the fuck happened, really?
pada tanggal tertentu, dota v7.00 dirilis; berikut serta dgn HDD yg corrupt gegara kemarin tolol sewaktu papamami keluar kota
debate camp, pra, aktivasi paket data, mulai main pokemon go
27/12 28/12, ketemu satpam, ngobrol2, meskipun siangnya uda dapat itu inspiration dan focused moodlet
at least ive been working out
28/12 pagi, well, here i am, fixing my shits
fuck. really. what happened?
08/01, sorenya widopo ngajak ketemuan.
03/01 taught a class at sompo japan, 04/01 reunion with samsengers with regrets on life. sebelumnya 02/01 sempat sparring debate sama reestablished debate side job sama satya.
05/01, 06/01, well, papamami friday pergi ke tanjungbalai, became gajebo, pokemon go, tapi sempat scan beberapa paperwork dan data2. kartu IM3 juga direset ulang starting pointnya. sabtu, jemput papamami, pergi ngobrol sama satya, pergi ke usd, they have their intercomp 07/01
09/01, well, here i am. midnight reflection.
daemonev, vikes, i kind of miss you guys. galau di malam senin gapapalaya. widopo traktir aku kopi starbucks and now i cant sleep. fk.
soalnya 08/01 tadi sorenya there was quite the positivity. well, i sense the full of shitness, but, full of positive vibes. cuma duduk2 aja ngobrol pake bhs inggris terus dopo start prospecting them. memang sih seharusnya shut up after 30mins of advertisement and then start asking questions, but, well, cant argue with the results.
still, like, that god's grace. it felt so real. to him, at least.
hahahaha.
still a shadow.
sent a small text to the father when i got home.
will it work? lets find out. his marketing skills, his innate talent, so to speak. versus my quantification of emotion and aura exuberance.
30/01. it's monday already. well anyway friday i went to campus, socialized a bit, still got back to gaming. 29/01, sunday, i got my energy. somehow. thanks for those caffeine. still failed the morning task this morning, though. but, energy. on sunday.
let's see how things will unfold.
---by the way, i stopped playing pogo sometime around here. chaklan. fuck niantic.
02/02 -- don't ask me what happened in the interim. anyway, started using pomodoro. quite efficient.. somehow. still failed a bit here and there.
03/02 -- i won't make that mistake again.
okay, now underneath this, this one now is...
from sunday 05/02
sunday: getting productive? although failed the morning wakeup, at least implemented punishment
start counting punishment?
and at least sorenya uda mulai olahraga
senin harini gapapalah anggap aja because body really need adjustments after all
BUT FUCK YOU YOU BETTER FINISH THESE ALL ASAP
sabtu? sehari sebelumnya? woke up late, rencana awal sih mau force olahraga tapi kena asma. sorenya, tidur, failed to be productive. gereja terus makan.
jumat? malamnya memang force lembur sih. and quite an almost effective one at that.
kamis malamnya sih gue kena ketiban dpt tugas extra translation dr mami.
jumat paginya, well, one of those common occurences maybe?
OOOHHHH I HAD TO SUB MALAKA!!!
makanya ok siang sore uda jelas liaw
paginya, ya, well, maybe one of those common occurences la
okay, now we are at the next week.
sunday was okay. yeah sunday was okay.
monday was.. i... forgave myself? i guess? because doms after sunday workout?
tuesday, wednesday, thurs....
FFUUUCCCCKKKKK WHAT THE SHIT HAPPENED, REALLY!?
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
NOT EVEN THE EVENING SUBBING ON THURSDAY NOR THE AFTERNOON SUBBING ON FRIDAY
FUCK THIS.
I HAVENT EVEN TOUCHED AN INCH OF WORKING OUT YET. FUCK.
hey i found the answer.
so it all started from your inability to focus.
and that was saturday 11/02
oh by the way ciu2 called. amah apparently fell from the stairs.
today 12/02 sunday mom and pops are going to visit her. hope that she's fine. everything will be alrite, fingers crossed.
so anyway, it starts from when you run out of gas, then you go to facebook "just to check for notifs". then you go to youtube. then you go back to facebook. then to 9gag.
you see where i'm getting at here?
yesterday, 11/02, saturday, you chose to play some pokemon because you decided that "'ah enough work already, lets go play ahrd and have some fun"
terus kau tiba2 chaklan karena niantic ini kek kontol.
well, good for you, i guess?
bhahahaha. anyway, got home, turned to that cycle yet back again.
ah padahal paginya uda bagus, sempat olahraga sprint 1 ronde pun bahkan. <--- no no no i missed something right here.
saturday night, sunday dawn, what did i do?
nightnya mungkin aku waktu itu lagi chatting sama erica ya?
anyway, its sunday night/monday dawn now
jam 04:52. on the verge of giving up.
but, really, prayers are somehow really effective. didnt even usedpomodoro.
just, woke up (setelah ntah kenapa koq bisa ga jelas), then teach, then got home, then went really productive.
____________________
You know, I keep going back to those memories. Shameful as they are, they.. provided me... sustenance. You.
During my time of battling against depression, there was this one person who provided me tremendous help. I don't know if he/she is a male or a female, I don't even have any idea if he/she is a human; heck, I can't even confirm if it is a living being. This post is dedicated to you, DaemonEV.
13 November 2016
"Well, it sounds to me like you're the Danzo of your debate club, Fred."
"Dan-- ohh! Naruto?"
"Yes. From the sounds of it, you were mostly in opposition to whatever their proposals were and what they had to offer. You contradict most of their ideals and beliefs and gave the impression of being a ruthless senior and a cruel leader. Yet you still hold the best interests for them."
"I--"
"And that's sweet of you, Fred."
That was one when I resorted to online confession and sharing session and found out that great individual.
December 2016
"Still playing? I thought you said you wanted to get your shit together? Why the hell am I still seeing you here?"
"I know, man, sorry, I--"
December 2016
"Hey I actually came across some of your poems out of curiosity. You really do have a talent in linguistics. Your poems were impressive. Why don't you go pro on your blogs?
"Hey, man, I've been thinking. Do you always do this?"
"Do what?"
"Helping people. It is like I had an amazing ment who provided me emotional support when I need it the most
"Do you also blog? Let me advertise your blog. Anything I can help to repay you."
"At least tell me your name and your profile so that I can share your existence with the others."
"No. That's called being human. You feel indebted to me, do the same kindness to others."
DaemonEV, I don't know who you are or what you are, but thank you.
Somewhere in between, he recommended me to publicize my Lumosity results.
____________________
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